Rain Unjustly Falls

The rain splatters and splitters,
into windshields in concurrent and indiscrimate drops.
Three cars ahead, in the middle lane
a non-descript man turns on his wipers.

 

    No one knows of his
     illicit forays in unmentionable cyberspace.

But his lawn is showered,
while he drives
along with his neighbors,
nurses and nuns and reverends and rectors.

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About Danny Slavich

I am a Christian husband, father, pastor, and poet. I lead Pembroke Road Baptist Church a multi-cultural, multi-generational church in urban South Florida.
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4 Responses to Rain Unjustly Falls

  1. Ben says:

    I like this poem. I think I would have done it a bit differently … mostly because, we have different approaches to poetry. I am always willing to sacrifice clarity for the sake of tone, etc. This poem is much clearer than I would have written it.

    What would I change? The first line seems like a throwaway. I would change it to something like “The brooding rain brings a dark deluge” (esp. good cause of the reference to the world being wiped out for sin). I would have used a different phrase for “non-descript man”, not sure what. And the aside is the pivot: I would make it more obtuse. But that, again, is because my primary point with the poem would not be to communicate meaning. I might change it to “No one sees the cruel darkness of his heart, the death behind closed doors.” Finally, I would change the “But his lawn is showered” to something more King-Jamesey, alluding more tonally to the passage. “His lawn is showered” captures the split image well (contemporary life linked to the ancient proverb), but you accomplish that clearly enough in the rest of the stanza. I would focus the first line more on the ancient side.

    That being said, this is a really good poem. Just thought it might be fun to compare our styles.

  2. Ben says:

    Remember the Radio Jocks? Why couldn’t that have been successful, instead of Spaceman Spiff? It was our finest hour, and yet, our shortest. What a cruel irony.

  3. dslavich says:

    Yeah, I always feel a tension in trying to communicate an analogy etc in my poetry.

    Sometimes I feel the necessity to sacrifice poetry for clarity.

    I wrestle with it all the time.

    This poem, in fact, is more subtle than I probably could have made it, if the “poetry side” of me didn’t kick in sometimes.

  4. dslavich says:

    And, yes, the Radio Jocks’ story is a poetic irony.

    Much better, yet, wildly less successful.

    I think we actually were doing something musically creative in that band…

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