Due to an encouraging post (and life testimony) from a good friend I have been inspired to start Owen’s Of the Mortification of Sin in Believers. I could say a lot at this point, but what has hit me most recently is a comment he makes about “hating our sin as sin.”
I question myself: Hating my sin as sin, to feel the sinfulness of it, often evades me. Why? Why is it difficult for me to hate my sin, to triumph the glory of God’s promises in Christ over my sin? Why do I despise Christ, God-in-man-flesh, crucified for me? I see him on the cross, dying for my lusts, and still I revel in my debauchery. Why? Have I truly been raised, and made alive to God and dead to sin? Does sin dominate me? Why do I so love the dirt of the earth where I live? Why does God’s glory not entice me away from my enticements? The Spirit testifies to me, that I am converted, that I am alive, and in Christ and he in me. But stubbornly, sin indwells my members and does not treasure my Savior.
I’ve struggled, as anyone who knows me might testify, with two primary sins, two primary lusts — sexual lust and love of food.
By God’s grace the sexual lust has grown to be the lesser of these two evils, probably because it’s so much more obviously sin and because it makes Laura cry. Her tears pour like blood from the side of my crucified Savior — her reaction makes me feel the sinfulness of it. Brings home the fact that he died because it’s so wretched. That makes it easier to hate.
But the food, man, the food, that’s harder, because I must eat to live, and where is the line? Where does legalism start and mortification end? How do I conquer the love and desire I feel, deeply and obsessively for food? How do I know when, indulging myself, I am looking at something that Christ bore on the cross?
I pray the Spirit’s power would overpower me, and testify with my spirit, and give me wisdom. May I cut off what needs to be cut off, that I might enter heaven whole. May I listen and obey.
May my life show the new heart I have received, the crucifixion of my old man, and the new-life resurrection of my Lord.
Please, if you read this, pray for me — that I may love Jesus more than bread. That I may not be a glutton.